A Woman of God

بسم الله الرحمان الرحيم
In the Name of Allah,

the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

  

In the past week or so, I have had a number of mini-revelations
about myself that has led to an ultimate one: I want to be a woman of Allah. A woman of God.
What does that mean?

For me, and at this point in my life, it means that I want to live for my Creator (and He is free of all need). Why? Because up until now, everything else that I have lived for has brought me some type of misery.

I have lived for the material world and found myself both over and underwhelmed by the facade that exists behind its attractive exterior.

I have lived for people and been betrayed, let down, hurt, taken advantage of, neglected, under-appreciated and belittled.

I have lived for attention and the sake of pleasing those around me, only to be left feeling unlovable, never good enough, and unable to be everything for everyone.

I have lived for my emotions only to become intoxicated and disillusioned by both fleeting moments of perceived happiness, and horrifying depths of despair and darkness.

I have lived for my lowly, base, and carnal desires only to feel ashamed at my lack of self-control, determination, and will-power.

I have finally come to understand that living for the sake of anything except Allah, subhanahu wa ta’ala (exalted is He), will never fill the many voids that reside in my heart and instead, only create more. I have come to realize that I was attempting to medicate with poison; that I was stubbornly trying to fill a hole in my heart with things that would – and could – never complete me. With the temporary. The finite.

And yet, at the very realization that my heart could only be filled with the infinite love, remembrance, compassion, mercy, and blessings that come only from my Lord, my heart began to swell as the voids were steadily filled.

Reading these words may lead you to believe that I have reached some metaphorical illumination or level of enlightenment. But the truth is, I say these words knowing very well that I am a sinner. That I self-sabotage on my journey to Him by constantly disobeying His commands and neglecting my duties towards Him. I say these words as someone who has acknowledged their short comings, and who seeks to better themselves in whatever capacity they can. I say this as someone who is slowly, but surely, on a journey to self-realization, acceptance, and (insha’Allah) true love.

I say this as a young woman living in a world that she does not truly feel she belongs in. As a young woman searching for the divine while attempting to make peace with herself and her demons. As a young woman who has looked for love in the wrong corners and has now turned to the very source of it. No, not turned, but ran. Sprinted. For this transformation that she has felt herself undergoing is one of urgency, driven by the lack of satisfaction with the dunya (this life), devils, and desires.

It’s funny because when we think of a person of God, a certain caricature pops into our minds – typically someone who embodies humanity’s ideals of upright character, morals, and ethics: a monk, or ascetic. Someone who has completely given up the world and what it contains.

However, I do not fit this caricature whatsoever. In fact, none of us do. Which is why, and beautifully so, that a person of God may be recognizable only to God Himself. To the rest of the world, they may simply be “so and so”. But to Allah (swt), they may be someone who has attained His mercy, nearness, and blessings; His love and guidance and pleasure.

Becoming a woman of God, for me, ultimately means establishing a connection to my Creator so strong, that nothing – no circumstance, person, material, mood, or ideology – can come between us. It means that I seek my ultimate counsel, friendship, nearness, love, hope, trust, fear, companionship, acceptance, and reliance from Him first and foremost. Being a woman of God means that I have taken the following hadith to heart and strive to become the one about whom Allah (swt) says:

“When I love [them] I am [their] hearing with which [they] hear, [their] seeing with which [they] see, [their] hand with which [they] strike and [their] foot with which [they] walk.” (Bukhari)1

It also means that my empowerment comes from Him alone. Not society, fashion, billboards, magazines, or false, unattainable standards. But from the One who is the Most Just. From the One who will accept me regardless of my appearance or flaws. From the One who will look at my heart and judge of its soundness and sincerity.

As whimsical, far-reached, unattainable or even pretentious as it sounds, this is what I ultimately want for myself. To become a woman of God. To give my whole heart, the entire fabric of my being, the intricacies of my essence and the fibers of my soul to Him, and Him alone.

May He make it possible for me, and you as well – Ameen.

And Allah (swt) knows best.

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Aiming for an Awesome Ramadhan

بسم الله الرحمان الرحيم
In the Name of Allah,
the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

Some believe Ramadan is special simply because it contains a night that is greater than 1,000 months, but what makes that night so great? The truth is, during that night the qadar (decree) for the coming year is sent down from the preserved tablet. As Allah says what can be translated as: “On that night is made distinct every precise matter” [Qur'an: Chapter 44, Verse 4], and more famously: “The angels and the Spirit descend therein by permission of their Lord for every matter.” [Qur'an: Chapter 97, Verse 4].

Did you know that there is something you can do to change that qadar in its vulnerable state as it descends from the heavens?

Yes, it is the power of dua! As the Prophet mentioned: “Nothing could change the Qadar except dua” [Sahih al-Jami'].

And in another hadith, he said: “Dua benefits in the things that have happened as well as the things that have not happened yet. The calamity comes down, but the Dua confronts it and they may continuously wrestle until the Day of Resurrection” [Reported by Al-Hakim].

This makes the month of Ramadan and especially the last ten nights, an exceptionally powerful time to make dua [Sunan Ibn Majah].

As we aim for a remarkably productive Ramadan, In sha Allah, it makes sense for us to prepare with deliberation and careful thought the duas we will focus on throughout the month. So ask yourself: “What are the duas that will change my life in the coming year?” and be absolutely certain that Allah will answer them In sha Allah! In the rest of this article, I will share my best tips for preparing these duas.

The 8 Duas You Must Make This Ramadan

Every Ramadan for the past several years, I decide in advance which eight duas I will focus on. I pick two duas from each of the four categories listed below. Why 8? Most masjids pray 8 raka’ahs of taraweeh (at least), so I repeat only one dua consistently in each raka’ah of taraweeh (during sujood, etc.). That way, I always remember which raka’ah I am on, which helps me focus and stay alert during the late night taraweeh of these long summer days. It doesn’t need to be specifically 8 duas, though. It could be 17 — one for every raka’ah in the fardh salah — for example, but since we are talking about Ramadan (and it is easier to remember 8 than 17) let’s just stick to the 8.

There is something more important than the number, and that is the effort you put in. Imagine the dedication and consistency you are showing to Allah by making the same duas every night for 29 or 30 nights throughout each raka’ah of taraweeh! In addition, if you are indeed that consistent, you will surely catch Laylatul Qadr! You would be displaying a level of dedication that few do: showing to Allah that you are desperate for His help. How could He possibly turn you away empty-handed?

The more thought you put into this activity, the better. However, be careful not to over think it. It is possible to complete the activity in five minutes if you are pressed for time, so complete it as quickly as you can.

Note that this list of dua does not necessarily need to match the goals we discussed in the previous articles [Part 2 | Part 3], as they are goals for Ramadan. The dua list you are creating now is for your life in general.

While there is no guarantee your dua will come true, you must pray as if it will. Your dua might avert a calamity, an illness or some other difficulty that was destined for you, so in that sense your dua would still be answered and accepted without necessarily coming true. We never truly know what is best for us, but Allah certainly does — and He always delivers [Qur’an: Chapter 2, Verse 216].

The Four Categories

1. Deen: Since Ramadan is all about taqwa and improvement, pray and beg Allah to improve you. Pick two aspects of your deen that you would like to improve and pray earnestly that Allah helps you with them. Maybe you have not done hajj or umrah yet? Make dua that you can do so before next Ramadan! Does that sound ridiculous? It is not difficult for Allah ! Want to memorize the whole Qur’an? Or part of it? It is easy for Allah . Want to shed a bad habit? Or build a new one like praying in the masjid? This is your chance to ask Allah to your heart’s content!

2. Dunya: One of the first dua we come across during taraweeh is “rabbana aatina fil dunya hasanah” or “Our Lord, give us in this world [that which is] good…” [Qur’an: Chapter 2, Verse 201]. Allah teaches us to pray for the life of this world. That sounds good to me. As long as I am here, I want to get as much out of it as I can! So ask for Allah’s help from the bottom of your heart. Do you need help with marriage? Job? House? Car? Health? This is the time to ask Allah without limiting His ability .

3. Akhira: The next part of that dua is “wafee al akhirati hasanah” – ” … and in the Hereafter [that which is] good …” Since our ultimate destination is the next life, we ought to dedicate part of our prayers to having an enjoyable afterlife too! Note: putting the dua in this order does not mean one is more important than the other, but you knew that. I personally like to pray for some specific aspect of Paradise and for protection from Hellfire. Do you want to sit with the Prophet in Paradise? Or maybe see and speak to your Creator ? Is there an aspect of Hellfire that you find particularly terrifying? Seek Allah’s protection from it.

4. Others: Ramadan is not a time to be selfish. This is why Allah requires us to give zakat al-fitr and helps us unite our community during taraweeh and Eid. So when you are planning your dua for Ramadan, it is critical you remember others. There are so many causes, so many people going through difficulty: Make a conscious effort to keep their plight on your mind. Think of your family and friends, the community and our ummah at large. By praying for them, we will also get the added blessings of having the angels say ‘ameen’ to those duas and praying for us as well. [Sunan Abi Dawud]

With so much to pray for, how do you possibly select only two duas per category? Again, try to make your list as simple and comprehensive as possible. And remember, you can always make more duas outside this list!

Action Steps

1. Write down your 8 duas on this worksheet along with your Ramadan goals and keep them in your pocket or wallet at all times.
2. If you are the digital type, put them in your note-taking app or create an image of both lists and put the image as the background for your smart phone and computer’s desktop as a consistent reminder.
3. Refer to this document/image every day, especially between taraweeh prayers.

Now, please share with us your thoughts on this action plan, and what dua you recommend for your brothers and sisters.

Read the other parts of this series: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

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